It's Never An Ask, PTA

The #PTA called and left a message. Everyone heard it. It sounded something like this: My soul now belongs to my kids’ school. Look, when I was little, my alarm clock was a grumpy, WASP-y dad leaving for work at 5:30 AM. There was no snoozing through his alarming, “No son of mine is going to sleep in and fritter his life away.” You got up, got dressed, and had a bowl of one of three options of #cereal in the morning. None of this gluten-free, nut-free, #GMO-friendly shit.

There was Grape-Nuts, which kind of reminds me of falling off my #bike as a kid and eating gravel. There was Shredded Wheat. Not the kid-friendly frosted mini ones. These were huge, barrels of hay, like the ones you'd see in farm fields. Looking a lot like steel wool, with a surpisingly similar consistency. Rounding out the options was #oatmeal. Oatmeal is never bad, except this was always topped with wheat germ so that "little boys stay regular."

To ensure I got enough #calcium, my mom would make make peanut butter & jelly then add slices of cheddar cheese to the sandwich. From there, I'd ride my bike nine miles to and from #school every day. I was 12 years old. The only time anyone saw my parents was registration day at the beginning of each school year. Now, before you gift me a tear thinking you’ve walked into a pity party, it wasn’t just my situation; most parents didn’t come to school to hang around.

But, times have changed. #Parents are expected to volunteer. I can be a valet parking attendant. That's pretty much exactly as it sounds. The parents pull up and open their trunk or side door. You help the kid out car seat, get the kid's backpack, art project, lunch, and set them up for success. You help them with their backback, and everything else, and send them on their way. Obviously this is #elementary school, but even 5th graders need this much help. Resilence and self efficacy is not our generation's strengths. That'll be a whole different blog.

If you're not on valet duty, you may be assigned to be on the grounds crew. They pull weeds, trim bushes, and keep the teacher's #community #STEAM garden looking like a working plantation. If house work is more of your calling, part-time custodian may also be part of the duties the PTA will add to your responsibilities as a parent family. There are other much more desirable, job descriptions, but those are reserved for PTA mommies. They're the ones who walk their kid to class…and never leave. Volunteering has seriously become full-time employment. All of it really sucks.

There are basically two types of parents; those who live to #volunteer and those who’ve never given a thought about it. Expressing it as Common Core question, it looks something like this: 20% of the parents will do 80% of the entire workload. That same 20% will spend 80% of the time bitching when the rest of us are simply trying to do our best. The #moon is mostly composed of what element?

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